It sounds like your main issue is where you are choosing to be seen. Not sure how you’re finding yourself surrounded by so much Ed Hardy, as this seems kind of hard to do in 2012. So shame on you. I hope these three simple ways you can avoid loser hot-spots will help you:

1. If there is a line outside the door, do a psycho scan. If over 50% of them are wearing anything fake fur/Jeffrey Campbell/cutoff shorts with tights underneath, scurry away without being noticed.

2. Don’t go out with 600 girls. It’s not chic. Pick one or two girlfriends who won’t drink too many Manhattans (or whatever sick cocktail people are drinking right now), puke in public, and stain your bag. Smart, straight guys like small groups–not busloads of girls on a field trip to Le Baron.

3. Invest in small bars. Spend a weekend day in a neighborhood that you love in NYC and find a few chic tiny bars with no bullshit scene. That night, explore the options lurking here.